“Either you run the day or the day runs you.”
Jim Rohn
What a difference a morning makes?
There is nothing worse than waking up late and starting the morning in a manic mode.
I welcome my day with screams and cries of the kids.
I miraculously got them dressed in an impressive record-breaking time, after barking orders at them like a military commander.
Having a proper breakfast was not in the cards; a quick snack in the car had to suffice as I drove the kids to school.
Let’s not talk about the state of the house when we left it.
The Problem of Not Having A Morning Routine
I never knew that the way we start our mornings would set the tone for the rest of the day; not just for myself, but the rest of the family too.
The stress and tension that manic mornings bring; could affect my children’s behaviour and performance in school.
There were moments when I had to drag my daughter out of the car kicking and screaming. As you can pretty much guess it, she did not have a good day in school.
By the time I finally dropped the kids off at school, my energy levels felt depleted.
As I returned to our home, the messy state of our house just did not put me in a better mood.
It was hard to find joy in the mundane chores. In a few hours, my cleaning efforts would be all for nought when the kids returned home from school.
As the day continued to spiral down on a sour note, my kids were greeted with an uncheerful mother later in the afternoon.
I felt stuck. I wanted to be a good mother, but I did not know how to be one. I wanted to be that loving mother to my children, but it felt impossible at this point because I was out of energy, out of patience and out of hope.
How My Disorganization Was Hurting My Family
I have never been a fan of routines. Living a life of routine feels stifling. It means being in a monotonous rut; something that I truly dreaded.
What I seek was the novelty of new experiences and places. It gives me a sense of adventure; it keeps me alive.
My go-to modus operandi would be something like this: –
- No lists and plans
- Doing things on the fly
- Doing things at the last minute
I never knew that my “creative lifestyle” could affect my children’s behaviour and temperament. Little did I know that my disorganised choices and actions:
- Affected my family relationship
- Created a messy and disorganised home
- Caused inconsistencies in my work quality
- Decreased my productivity
- Caused unnecessary stress
But when my daughter was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, the news compelled us to rethink the way we were managing our family.
How My Daughter Inspired Me To Organize Our Family Life
Finding out that my daughter was on the autism spectrum spurred me to read books and scour the internet on anything that would help and support her.
As I read about the characteristics of autism spectrum disorder, one of their common traits is their dislike for change in their routine. They thrive on clarity and predictability.
By creating an environment that supports routine, it allows the child “a sense of security and helps them develop self-discipline”.
Despite my preconception about routine, I realised that I had to find a way to embrace the idea of it.
The Importance Of Routine For Children With ASD
Research has shown that we could all benefit from having some routine in our lives. That said, routines for children with autism are just as important or even more.
Many children on the autism spectrum live a particularly stressful life as he or she tries to make sense of their surroundings. They have challenges making sense of everyday movements, sounds, actions and more.
Routine creates order in their lives. It gives them a sense of security when life becomes more predictable. Children with ASD generally like repetitive actions. It is something that comes naturally from them.
As life becomes more predictable for the child, it relieves them from stress and burdens of life. When that happens, it becomes easier to help the child learn new things and skills.
The Surprising Truth I Found About Routine
Little by little, our family took efforts in establishing simple routines at home. We begin to see positive changes on many levels through time.
We created a morning routine chart for my kids. The chart clearly illustrates the step-by-step actions of their morning routine.
I take 10 to 15 minutes each morning to teach the kids life skills. For example, getting dressed, brushing one’s teeth and preparing breakfast.
Just like dinner, breakfast is also an important family meal. We gather around the breakfast table as a family.
Our peaceful mornings have a positive impact on our daughter’s mood and even performance in school.
We observe when my daughter has less built-up stress from a day at school, it results in lesser episodes of meltdowns and anxiety at home.
On top of that, my daughter was more inclined to indulge in her mother’s creative and exploring ways. It was because of these routines, she painted with me even though she never really wanted to paint. More and more, she is more receptive to trying new things, especially when we take the time to explain and show her what is going to happen.
How Establishing A Simple Morning Routine Save My life Too
A life of routine not only benefited me; it saved me too.
During the initial period of understanding and dealing with challenges of this atypical parenting journey, I lost all that energy and enthusiasm that once came so naturally to me.
I lost interest in myself and those around me. These were days when I laid in bed to the very last minute because I dreaded what the day was about to bring.
Ever so often, I find myself reacting to my circumstances, jumping into one fire loop after another. It was wearing me down.
I was living my day-to-day life in constant survival mode. My days were overwhelming and draining; they felt little joy.
I realized that I needed to regain control of my life. While I did not have all the answers then; my hunch told me that getting our mornings right would be a fair start.
How To Set Your Mornings Right
I set an alarm for 5 am every day and though it was really hard in the beginning; all these seemingly insignificant steps I have taken have such impactful results.
These are the 5 simple steps I take to kick start my day.
- Place the alarm clock on the other side of the bedroom.
- Take a quick cold shower to remove any sleepy vibes.
- Drink a big glass of water. Hydration is key.
- Meditate for 15 min.
- Journaling for 15 min.
Having an early start enabled me to acclimatize myself to the day. The quiet moments I have to myself energizes me.
By giving myself time to mentally and emotionally plan for the day, I am able to prioritize and focus on things that are more important, hence improving my productivity.
By allowing myself those quiet morning moments, I begin to find the joy in the mundane tasks, like making the beds and breakfast for my family.
By finding my morning joys and peace, there were imperceptible shifts in the way I connected with my kids throughout the day.
My kids enjoy waking up to a mother who is shedding her military commanding ways. These days, I consciously make the time to ensure they felt loved before going to school.
By setting the mornings right, I have the mental energy to deal with challenging issues. Bit by bit, I react to my situations less emotionally. My morning routines are helping me to respond appropriately to things.
With the right mindset to start my day, I feel that I am ready to embrace the rest of my day with hope and courage.
I am taking charge of my life.
The Peace And Opportunities Morning Routines Give
As I reflect on how establishing familiar routines has helped my ASD daughter, I view it as a healing process necessary to allow my child to make sense of this chaotic world on her terms.
Through that healing, she was willing to try out and learn things that are out of her comfort zone. Change does not affect her as much as it used to.
Likewise, while my love for change has given me a life of adventure, I realise that a life of routines need not be boring, in fact, it enhances it.
I enjoy the comfort and the reassurance that our routines provide. My routines gave me the confidence and strength to manage the unpredictable aspects of this thing we call life.
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