To build independence is incredibly important for children of all ages.
An added sense of self-confidence, the ability to make their own decisions. More independence also means less need for support from you in the future.
Isn’t that what every parent wants for their children?
Parents’ Protective Instincts
Parents are wired to protect their child and keep them safe from harm.
That said, parental protective instincts over their special-needs child can be far greater.
As a parent, nurturing independence in my daughter can be a daunting and scary task.
How do you teach your child skills – skills most of us naturally learnt and take for granted?
Sometimes teaching your child a new skill comes with much resistance. Of course, it is easier to do things for your child. It is quicker. It gets the job done, and often results in lesser arguments and fights.
However, if you do not teach your child to do things for herself, how will she ever learn?
Picture the next 3 to 5 years
A good start is to imagine where you want your child to be three to five years from now.
My daughter was six years old, and she still did not know how to dress on her own.
If you are cannot imagine doing the same task for your child in the next five years; start teaching her how to do this important life skill right now.
Picturing the next three to five years gives you a good framework to set goals.
10 Ways to help the child move from “help me” to “I can be independent” mode
(1) Start at your child’s level
It doesn’t matter where the child’s competency level is at. We start helping the child at his/her current level and pace. Sometimes this means starting from ground level.
But that is ok. What is important is that we are taking proactive steps in their development.
(2) Start from a safe place
Starting at home means a safe and comfortable environment that both you and your child are familiar with.
When your child is comfortable with one part of the task, you can try building other opportunities in other settings, contexts and people.
(3) Start smaller: you’re more likely to succeed
For the longest while, I thought that my daughter would not learn to dress on her own.
I was thinking too far ahead. I wanted my daughter to achieve something that was not going to happen overnight.
There were many steps in the process to consider; we worked on her fine motor and motor planning skills before helping her with her dressing skills.
While the intention to teach her such a skill is good, I needed to start on teeny tiny goals to eventually achieve the big ones.
For example, “I am going to teach my child to put on her socks on her own today.”
Question: What teeny tiny action you need to do today to take your child to the next step to being independent?
It is the smaller actions we are more likely to succeed in. With more successes under our belts, we build more confidence in the child to take the next teeny tiny step.
(4) Give them a sense of choice
Often children with autism have their lives very much dictated to them. Their ability to choose for themselves or say “no” gets taken away from them.
We ought to seek to support, not control, what they can do.
Being able to say “no” or making their own choice is an important life skill.
It is good to teach them a sense of choice at an early age.
How to build in a sense of choice for your child?
Begin small by providing them with two choices. For example,” Would you like to draw or play with your puzzles?”
To encourage the child to do something that they do not like, we can motivate them by giving them an option of two to three things they would enjoy doing. For example, first homework, then reward {insert item of their choice}.
(5) Use visuals and/or lists for scheduling
There are many reasons why using visual/list schedules are very helpful.
They provide structured predictability that naturally decreases undesired behaviours. It also teaches the child the concept of time and organisation skills.
When the child feels anxious about the whole day’s plan, it helps to break down the day into smaller sections like morning, afternoon and evening. This gives them assurance of what is about to happen during the day.
That said, when scheduling, it helps to teach the child to be flexible in coping with unpredictable situations too.
In my daughter’s schedule, I tend to put in a big question mark {?} in each time block. Hence, if something doesn’t go according to plan, she is mentally prepared for the unexpected.
We all know that life doesn’t always go the way we planned.
(6) Promote independence when in the community
There are many ways to promote independence in the child while in the community.
My family enjoys our weekly trips to the supermarket. My daughter does her part by helping me to pick up some of the grocery items too.
Incidentally, doing groceries is a way to practice money skills too.
(7) Teach the concept of time
Time can be a tricky concept for those with autism.
Research has shown that people on the autism spectrum have trouble keeping track of time.
A timer or clock is a good way of helping them learn the concept of time. There is a start /end to the activities they are doing. It helps them during transitioning and teaches them patience.
Consider building in time to different activities of the day. For example, meals, playtime, homework etc.
(8) Don’t do everything for your child
When you are in a rush, it is usually the easiest to do everything for your child, but this is not helping them to learn the necessary skills.
Consider organizing your schedule slightly to give them extra time to practice and learn.
(9) Don’t give in to negative behaviour
There will be setbacks when teaching new skills. If a particular task is challenging, do expect your child to display some challenging behaviour.
In such situations, you will need to ignore all the negative behaviours and ensure the child completes the task instead of avoiding it.
(10) Lots of praise and positive reinforcement
Anything that helps the child feel encouraged, motivated and rewarded goes a long way.
When you see your child engaging independent behaviours, reward them so that these behaviours continue in the future.
Comments
Post a Comment